Saturday, February 4, 2012

Did I Hear That Right?? Part 2

With the success of  the first Did I Hear That Right post, I have decided to make this a regular deal on The Inklings.

And with the crazy s*it I hear on a daily basis, it might become a weekly post.
(And don't forget- 'The Ginger' is my 7 year old son, 'The Girl' is my 9 year old daughter.)

Enjoy!

Me: Hey, Ginger, can you come here and sit on my lower back, please? It hurts and I need some extra weight to help stretch it out.
The Ginger: Sure. (He proceeds to come sit on my back, and then farts.)
Me: Holy crap get off of me. That's gross, Ginger, seriously. You don't fart on people.
The Ginger: Well, you didn't ask me if I had to fart when you asked me to come sit on your back. If you would have asked me that, I would have told you I had to fart.

Me: I was told Ryan Gosling is fully clothed in a suit the whole movie.
Sis: Then why the hell are we watching this again?


(Helping The Ginger with his spelling homework.)
Me: Shave
The Ginger: Shave. S-H-A-V-E
Me: Now use it in a sentence.
The Ginger: I shave my butt sometimes to get it clean. Do you want to see it? It's shiny (and proceeds to bend over, laughing).

(Seeing the toilet seat in my bathroom up when I got home from work one day.)
Me: Hey, sis, was there a man in the house today?
Sis: No, why?
Me: The toilet seat in my bathroom is up.
(She comes into the bathroom and we both stare at the toilet, confused.)
Sis: You know, your son is a boy. Maybe he used your bathroom and left the seat up??
Me: (Bursts out laughing) That's a good one. My son is the one I have to constantly have talks with about pissing on the seat.
Sis: Maybe he's learned?
(We both break out in laughter.)
Me: Maybe dad came by?
Sis: Yeah, that makes more sense.

The Girl: Who the heck is Ryan Gosling?
Me: The guy in 'The Notebook'.
The Girl: What notebook?
Me: (So shocked I stopped what I was doing and stared at her.) Seriously? The movie. How have you never seen 'The Notebook'? Everyone has seen 'The Notebook'.
The Girl: Because you won't let me watch it.
Me: Oh, right.

(Via text because Hubby is 2000 miles away)
Me: I'm going to a Native American sweat lodge in a few weeks for the day. I'm excited.
Hubby: Lol, cool... I think.
Me: I think it's amazing. I'm stoked.
Hubby: Nice. Is there payody or shrooms?
Me: Not sure. I won't be hitting it, though, lol.
Me: And it's 'peyote', by the way.
Hubby: Whatevs woman. That's the first time I've needed to spell the word.

(One of the Zombie Kittens is wearing a cone around it's neck after having been neutered, and The Ginger is pointing at the cat and laughing.)
Sis: Don't make fun of the cat, it's rude.
Me: Really? We were laughing our asses off about the Cone of Shame last night.
Sis: But we weren't pointing.
Me: Okay, kids, you can laugh at the Cone of Shame cat, but not point. That's rude.
Sis: Exactly.

And to bring full circle from the first conversation in this post...

(I hear something coming from The Ginger's direction, and he slowly turns his head around and gives me a sneaky look over his shoulder.)
Me: I heard you fart. No need to look back here and see if it went unnoticed. I heard it.
The Ginger: Yeah, mom, but did you SMELL it yet?




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