Monday, February 13, 2012

Dear 16 Year Old Me,

Hi. It's 31 30-ish year old you. Or me. However that goes. I wanted to write to you and give you some advice about your life. These 10 pieces of advice are in random order, as you are (still) a completely random person. In fact, it's gotten worse. But, people love you for it.

Keep in mind that I'm not going to give you too many details about your future. It's still up to you to create it.

  1. Sleep in as much as possible. Seriously. When you get to be my age, you'll wake up at 7 in the morning even when you don't have to. It doesn't matter if you went to bed at 2am (which you will hardly ever do at this age), you'll wake up at 7.
  2. The guy you are dating right now? Yeah, you are going to marry him in a few years. (I'll allow a moment for that to sink in.) And then, down the road, you are going to screw that marriage up. Then he'll screw it up. For a few years, the two of you will trade off on having your heads up your asses and sabotaging the 'always and forever' thing. It will work out, don't worry. I'd like to tell you to not make the decisions you did that started that downward spiral, but having now gone through it, you and your husband both know that you had to go through it all to be where you are now, as a couple. So, just keep your chin up and know that it all gets better.
  3. The second kid you have is a boy. Ignore the ultrasound tech that tells you it's a girl. It's a boy. And a big one. Get your epidural AS SOON AS your pitocin-induced contractions start, because if you don't, some bitch in the room next to you that went into labor naturally and heads to the hospital 4 hours after you will request her epidural 5 minutes before you, and you'll spend the next 2 hours in extreme pain waiting for the anesthesiologist to get to you. And, as a heads up, he'll screw up your first epidural and have to do it again. Save yourself some pain and tell him to shift his entrance point slightly to the left. 
  4. Loosen up. Yes, you are currently 'Mama Morgan' to all of your friends, driving around their drunk asses and making sure they don't do stupid things at parties, but you are entitled to a be a teenager, too. Don't go too wild and crazy, though, because you thoroughly enjoy rubbing it in your parents' faces when you are my age that, in the grand scheme of things, you were an amazingly easy teenager to raise.
  5. Your sister is only 8 now, and it seems like there is a lifetime between the two of you, but spend time with her... positive time. As it is now, the two of you are close, but didn't get so until sometime in the past few years. She constantly reminds you of the time you told her you had another sister and a bear came out of the woods and ate her. And the time you told her we had a ghost upstairs that flushed the toilet all the time. (It is funny shit, I know, but listen to me.) So, instead of torturing her so much, help create happy memories for the two of you all. Because she never lets you live that shit down.
  6. Draw more. It will come in handy with your future career.
  7. Don't let people walk on you so damn much. You are an amazing girl, soon to be an amazing woman, and I understand you doubt that all of the time because the popular kids use you as a black sheep, and guys would rather be your friend than date you, but your uniqueness causes people to remember you fondly. Your naivety causes people to take advantage of you, but don't change it- guys find it cute. Just learn to stand up for yourself a little more, and learn the word 'No.' It's okay to use it. I promise.
  8. Make the business you open an LLC, immediately. That will cause you so much less financial hardship in the future.
  9. 30 is not old, and you end up being sexier at 30 than you are now. (I know, hard to believe because you are smoking hott right now, right? Gain that self confidence now, girl. Don't wait until you are 30 to gain it, like the current me did.)
  10. On Christmas day in 2002, the winning Powerball numbers will be 53-14-5-16-29, powerball 7. You'll have to share the $315 million jackpot with some lady in West Virginia, but it'll be okay, as it's the largest single jackpot won in Powerball's history to date. (A girl can try, right???)




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3 comments:

  1. Wow Its Amazing lol.. :) When I was Reading I was enjoyed alot :) Thanks For Sharing :)

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  2. I freaking LOVE you and your blog! I swear we are kindred spirits sista!! I just recently got a tattoo on my foot while in gulf shores on vacation and I already have my next one picked out (I have 3 now)! I also had hell with my epidural having my son (he's 4 now), while having pitocin-induced contractions, and it completely quit working not once, but TWICE!!! And each time I had to wait about 90 minutes for the dumb shit to come fix it. Anyway, I enjoy reading about your crazy life so keep it coming!!!!

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    1. Thanks! I'm glad you found me! Seems like we had the same drug docs for our sons' births, lol.

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