Saturday, January 28, 2012

Ninja Mommy

My sister told me the other day they were going to put a bell around my neck...
Like a cat...
So they always know where I am.

I took great pride in this statement.

I started with the whole 'ninja' thing (it's in just about any profile of mine you can possibly find- Twitter, Top Mommy Blogs, Facebook, everything) a few years ago, and it started under questionable, illegal, creative circumstances.

Put it this way- I always seemed to find out what the guy I was seeing at the time was doing behind my back. And it pissed him off to no extent, so whenever he asked me, 'How in the hell do you know that?', my answer was simple...

I am a ninja.

I soon began using my ninja skills on my kids; Sneaking up on them to see what they are doing in their rooms, using my ninja ears to listen in on conversations, creeping seamlessly through the shadows to surprise them when they least expect it. And my ninja skills have never failed me.

Until today...

My daughter has been grounded this weekend. She brought home 2 D's on tests from last week. Yeah, we don't take too kindly to those type of grades around here. So, she was grounded- no TV, no tablet, no video games, nothing. She was sitting in the living room this morning, looking through a Lego book, when she gets up and states, 'I'm going to my room to build a Lego house.' Then she disappears.

About 5 minutes later, I hear it- what sounds like pop music, but it's muffled. She is sooooo in her room, watching youtube videos on her tablet, I know it.

So, off come the slippers I'm wearing, I pull the blanket that's on me to the side, slowly put down the laptop, rise off of the couch, and I'm down the hall, watching every footstep I take to make sure it's quiet, slow and calculated, and that I don't step on anything that could clue her off that I'm coming. I get to her door and just listen outside of it... no music. Nor is there the sound of her scrambling to put the tablet away because she heard my ninja moves.

I throw open the door anyway, and there she is, sitting in her floor, building a Lego house. No tablet in sight.

What the hell? My ninja skills have failed me? No, it can't be.

The Girl turned around and said, 'Yes? Can I help you?'

'No. Just seeing what you were doing.'

'Building a Lego house like I told you, Mom.'

'Carry on, then.' I back away, shut the door, and hang my head. My ninja skills have never failed me. I always know when my kids are up to something they aren't supposed to be.

You mean to tell me that my daughter, who threw a huge temper tantrum when I grounded her, has accepted her fate of the weekend and wasn't breaking the rules?

I start to get that warm, fuzzy feeling inside, that I actually must be doing something right as a mom, that my kids are actually listening to me... wait...

And that's when it hit me.

She is my daughter, which means...

She must have ninja skills, too.

And she is perfecting them faster than I think. She must have been watching youtube on her tablet, somehow heard me coming down the hallway, and stashed it away before I got to her door. That's the only explanation.

A master ninja and a budding ninja in the house together? As mother and daughter?

It's going to be interesting from here out, that's for sure.

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  2. Ninja talents extend to mind reading too. I tell my kids that it is ok what they are thinking about me because no one can punish them for their thoughts. The look of amazement that comes always makes me laugh.