Wednesday, January 18, 2012

13 "Mom Signs" The Apocalypse is Coming

Every major belief system has signs of the world ending. Many are arguable, and then there are some that are uniform through each society.

I'm throwing them all out of the window, and introducing 13 signs that can pretty much guarantee the end of the world is near.

If you are a mom, you'll know what I'm saying is the truth, so prepare yourselves if these signs hit your home.

13 "Mom Signs" The Apocalypse is Coming

  1. Coming home from work and the house is clean... and you didn't tell anyone to clean it.
  2. "Can I help you cook dinner, Mom?"
  3. What's that sound? It's nothing. Quiet. Oh, good dear gracious the kids must have killed each other. (Run frantically to go check on them, to find them in their rooms, playing quietly.) Oh, they're alive... and amusing themselves... and looking at you like you are crazy for bursting in suddenly. (Smile and retreat slowly from the room.)
  4. "You look tense, Mom. Can I give you a shoulder massage?"
  5. Spending less than $100 at the grocery store for groceries for a week, without a single coupon used.
  6. "No, Mom, we don't feel like watching Nickelodeon tonight. Can we watch the Food Network or TLC with you?"
  7. Doing laundry and not finding a single stain to have to pretreat, or Legos in any of the pockets.
  8. "We did our homework already and decided to read quietly instead of playing video games. That's okay, right, Mom?"
  9. Taking a trash bag out to your car to clean it out and finding only 3 juice boxes, 2 candy wrappers and no crumbs in the floorboards.
  10. "Can we go to bed early tonight, Mom?"
  11. What's that smell? Coffee? Before I get out of bed in the morning? Someone made coffee?
  12. "I'm wearing my Snuggie to the bus stop this morning to embarrass you kids." "Okay, that's fine, Mom."
  13. The kids come out of their room in the morning, dressed and ready for school, and after inspecting their outfits, you find them coordinated, stylish, age appropriate, and complete, down to socks and shoes being put on... 30 minutes before they even need to leave for school.

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