Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Text Talk = WTF?

Today I realized... I am old.

Well, I'm older than I want to admit.

I was waiting in line at the drug store, and beside me was the 'Texting Dictionary of Acronyms". I picked it up, started flipping through it, and that's when it hit me that I'm old.

I still spell out 'What are you doing' instead of using 'WAYD' when I text, 'I love you' instead of 'ILY', 'Not much, you?' instead of 'NMY'.

I should add in that I freaking hate texting acronyms. I'll throw in an 'LOL' if what the person says actually makes me laugh out loud, sometimes an 'IDK', but for the most part I spell out what I need to say- I did graduate high school, after all. But here in front of me was an entire book of acronyms for the lazy texter. A whole book.

Needless to say, I bought the book out of simple curiosity.

I couldn't believe some of the stuff in there. Clearly the author (or, compiler, actually, in my opinion), had visited some nerdy chat rooms, racy chat rooms, and followed teenagers around, reading their texts. Some of this stuff is crazy, I mean, do some people actually use these??

ILICISCOMK (I laughed, I cried, I spit coffee on my keyboard.)
JUADLAM (Jumping up and down like a monkey)
LDIMEDILLIGAC (Look deeply into my eyes, Does it look like I give a crap?)
EMRTW (Evil monkeys rule the world.)
NE14KFC (Anyone for KFC?)
SLOM (Sticking leeches on myself.)
IMHEIUO (In my high, exalted, informed, unassailable opinion)

And the list goes on. Seriously, who uses these things? And how much brain power does it take to make the 'look deep into my eyes' one above into an acronym. I'm all for new ways of being a smart ass, but just do what I do when I'm bored; send back a smilie that's dead. X-P  People will know they killed you with boredom or whatever stupid crap it was they told you.

That's when I started to wonder if an entire conversation, with somewhat substantial meaning, could be had via texting nothing but acronyms. My sister and I grabbed the texting dictionary and took the challenge:

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Ninja Mommy

My sister told me the other day they were going to put a bell around my neck...
Like a cat...
So they always know where I am.

I took great pride in this statement.

I started with the whole 'ninja' thing (it's in just about any profile of mine you can possibly find- Twitter, Top Mommy Blogs, Facebook, everything) a few years ago, and it started under questionable, illegal, creative circumstances.

Put it this way- I always seemed to find out what the guy I was seeing at the time was doing behind my back. And it pissed him off to no extent, so whenever he asked me, 'How in the hell do you know that?', my answer was simple...

I am a ninja.

I soon began using my ninja skills on my kids; Sneaking up on them to see what they are doing in their rooms, using my ninja ears to listen in on conversations, creeping seamlessly through the shadows to surprise them when they least expect it. And my ninja skills have never failed me.

Until today...

My daughter has been grounded this weekend. She brought home 2 D's on tests from last week. Yeah, we don't take too kindly to those type of grades around here. So, she was grounded- no TV, no tablet, no video games, nothing. She was sitting in the living room this morning, looking through a Lego book, when she gets up and states, 'I'm going to my room to build a Lego house.' Then she disappears.

About 5 minutes later, I hear it- what sounds like pop music, but it's muffled. She is sooooo in her room, watching youtube videos on her tablet, I know it.

Friday, January 27, 2012

A Mom Blogger's Confession

She's envious of that woman's blog, too.
I have a confession to make. I suffer from Blog Envy.

There's a mommy blog out there that I follow religiously (it will go unnamed because 1- I don't want her knowing I stalk her am a huge follower of hers, and 2- Because I don't want to draw readers to my site if they google her and this post comes up for them- see? I have integrity.). She's relatively new to the blogosphere, only been around for maybe 6 months or so, but she is 'the newest craze'.

The f*cked up thing, and where the deep dark core of my Blog Envy lies, is how I found her about a month ago. Not through someone sharing her link, not through any of the top mommy blog listing sites, but because a few months ago we seemed to have posted a very similar blog post, within a week or so of each other. Mine, which is one of my most shared posts, still shows up in my Google Analytics as a top viewed page, and when I clicked on the search terms used to find it, her blog came up, too.

My post? A few comments, mostly on Facebook. Her post? Like 20 comments.

And the Blog Envy began...

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Opposites Homework, Tatted Mom Style

My son is in the 1st grade. Each week he is sent home a new list of words to learn and activities to do with those words. The activities are chosen at random, and this week, because he had chosen everything else on the activities list, he was stuck with coming up with opposites for each of his words.

Yeah, we picked a bad week to have left that assignment open. 

My sister sat down with him last night and realized that doing his homework assignment was impossible with this week's words. So, she decided to write a polite note to the teacher explaining why The Ginger couldn't do his homework this week and how many of the words of the week did not have opposites.

Challenge accepted!

If something doesn't make sense at first (like the opposite of 'cherries' is a slut), then just warp your brain to think like mine- you'll get it.

Of course, the slips of paper on the left of each column are The Ginger's words. The right side of each column are my opposites.

And no, I didn't send this to school with him...

But I'm contemplating emailing the link to his teacher so she can have a laugh.

Or call social services...

Click on the picture to make it original size, to get the full benefit of my warped mind.

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Tuesday, January 24, 2012

When I Was a Kid...

Most days I look at my kids and think, ‘Are you sure you are my kids? Did they switch you at the hospital?’ Don’t get me wrong, they both look just like me, but it’s only every now and then that their actions or mannerisms scream that my DNA is somewhere inside of them.

Take my son, for example. He is an amazing artist, and every now and then, he’ll stick his tongue out of the corner of his mouth while he’s drawing. He got that from me, and I got that from my dad- DNA. (Yes, I’m saying there’s a stick-your-tongue-out-of-the-corner-of-your-mouth-while-concentrating-on-stuff chromosome.) But then take into account how he can’t sit still while he’s drawing. Spare me the lecture on ADHD please, he’s 7 years old, and today’s kids are used to fast paced everything- learning (“No Child Left Behind” BS), video games, music. If they take a minute to sit down, of course their body or mind is going to fight it. It’s the way of the world today- keep moving or die.

That started me thinking of how different things are today then when I was a kid. Huge differences...

When I Was a Kid: Perfecting the button coordination to keep Mario flying after he grabbed the leaf and got the raccoon hat in Super Mario Brothers 3 was an accomplishment, and if you got to level 5 after only a few days, holy crap, you were awesome.
Today’s Kids: Running through 56 tunnels that all look the same, knowing where you are on the map that requires scrolling over 2 screens to see the whole thing, and killing that bad guy after using your secret stunning potion, stabbing him 47 times in the weak spot under his arm and then performing the upward thrust downward stabbing motion 3 times before he moves his tentacle again, is a normal video game day. Oh, and if you aren’t on level 23 of the newest cool game by day 2, you’re a loser.

When I Was a Kid: I’d leave the house right after breakfast in the summer, have to be back for lunch, leave again, have to be back for dinner, leave again, and be back at dusk for the night. My friends and I roamed all over the neighborhood on our bikes, and as long as I was within shouting distance of my mom, everything was okay.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Clothing Battle Won (For Now)

Every morning there’s a constant struggle in my household. My daughter is 9, going on 16, and thinks that she can dress like it. Thanks to society telling her via TV shows, music, movies, and “cool” clothing lines that it’s okay, she doesn’t quite understand why her mother is so opposed to it.

“But Mom, I want skinny jeans. Everyone at school wears skinny jeans, why can’t I?”

Because not everyone has a mom with PMS (Paranoid Mom Syndrome) like I do. No 9 year old of mine is going to be wearing skinny jeans, and if, by some miracle I do buy skinny jeans for her, it’s because they are a size too big and not that tight on her.

So, how did the latest battle go down? I had to employ the big weaponry- her teacher at school. Let me explain…

Friday, January 20, 2012

15 Things I've Learned in My 30s

Can I have for my birthday? Please?
Another year has gone by, another birthday is upon me. This time, though, today, I turn 31. Blah. Last year was the big 3-0, but it marked the beginning to a new era. This year? Just one more year into that era, so it's nothing big. Just makes me feel one year older.

Today, I wanted to share some of the things I learned in the last year of my life, the first year of my 30s:
  1. Wrinkle cream is amazing. I started out with Garnier Nutrisse stuff- started it one year ago today (on my 30th birthday, damnit- I was determined to keep my youth), and moved to Neutrogena stuff, but either way, I have used my wrinkle cream stuff for the last 365 days. I must say, I don't think I look 31. Might just be fooling myself on that, but it's okay; I live in my world, and they are okay with me here.
  2. Cheaters suck. Seriously. Especially the kind that claim they aren't and say they hate cheaters. Those blindside you the worst. That's all I'm gonna say about that...
  3. Farts are still funny- even in your 30s. 
  4. Sometimes all of the answers you need are sitting right in front of you. You just have to clear your mind and your life of all the bullshit, and you'll see it.
  5. I can sit and watch kittens play for hours- maybe the senility is setting in already.
  6. Kids are pretty resilient, but a good foundation needs to be there to begin with. In one calendar year, the kids and I moved from Arizona to South Carolina, moved in with a guy I was seeing whose house was 30 minutes from where we lived in SC, then moved from South Carolina to Virginia (see #2 above). They've been amazing the whole way, but I've made sure to have complete open lines of communication and to explain things to them every step of the way.
  7. Any board game can be turned into a drinking game, even Disney Scene It.
  8. Watching kittens being born is gross- something I really don't ever want to see again. I tried to watch with the open mind of how I was watching new life enter the world, how amazing it was to see a creature take it's first breath... but all I think while I was watching was, 'Ew, gross... that's all slimy and... WHAT did she just do with the umbilical cord... oh YUCK!!!'
  9. Sexiness comes with 30... at least for me it did. Maybe it was just a final acceptance of who I was, what I wanted out of life, and how I looked, but something happened to me last year that made me feel like the sexiest woman alive. Honestly, I think it was the strength I gained of going through everything I did. Self confidence can be the sexiest thing a woman wears.
  10. Family is everything. Don't ever let a job, a person, anything, come in between you and your family. And they are the ones there for you whenever you need them.
  11. A Keurig is God's gift to coffee drinkers and lazy people everywhere.
  12. I have a knack for this writing thing, and I enjoy it. It calms me, makes me smile, and hell, I get to embarrass my kids over the entire internet, not just in our house or at school.
  13. Netflix rules. And redbox.
  14. Go with the flow of life. Sometimes it will lead you down a dark path, but there are lessons to be learned there. Pick yourself up, forgive yourself and those around you, take the lessons to heart and move on with your life. If you are always fighting the same battle, maybe that's the Universe's way of telling you that you are on the wrong path. Watch for signs, go with the flow, and enjoy life.
  15. My husband is my best friend. Through everything we've been through, the last 4 years of craziness, we have remained friends, best friends at that. That truly says something, and when you can clear the BS out of your life (see #4 above), and realize that you are already married to your best friend, you realize it's stupid for the two of you to get divorced or remain separated. 

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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

13 "Mom Signs" The Apocalypse is Coming

Every major belief system has signs of the world ending. Many are arguable, and then there are some that are uniform through each society.

I'm throwing them all out of the window, and introducing 13 signs that can pretty much guarantee the end of the world is near.

If you are a mom, you'll know what I'm saying is the truth, so prepare yourselves if these signs hit your home.

13 "Mom Signs" The Apocalypse is Coming

  1. Coming home from work and the house is clean... and you didn't tell anyone to clean it.
  2. "Can I help you cook dinner, Mom?"
  3. What's that sound? It's nothing. Quiet. Oh, good dear gracious the kids must have killed each other. (Run frantically to go check on them, to find them in their rooms, playing quietly.) Oh, they're alive... and amusing themselves... and looking at you like you are crazy for bursting in suddenly. (Smile and retreat slowly from the room.)
  4. "You look tense, Mom. Can I give you a shoulder massage?"
  5. Spending less than $100 at the grocery store for groceries for a week, without a single coupon used.
  6. "No, Mom, we don't feel like watching Nickelodeon tonight. Can we watch the Food Network or TLC with you?"
  7. Doing laundry and not finding a single stain to have to pretreat, or Legos in any of the pockets.
  8. "We did our homework already and decided to read quietly instead of playing video games. That's okay, right, Mom?"
  9. Taking a trash bag out to your car to clean it out and finding only 3 juice boxes, 2 candy wrappers and no crumbs in the floorboards.
  10. "Can we go to bed early tonight, Mom?"
  11. What's that smell? Coffee? Before I get out of bed in the morning? Someone made coffee?
  12. "I'm wearing my Snuggie to the bus stop this morning to embarrass you kids." "Okay, that's fine, Mom."
  13. The kids come out of their room in the morning, dressed and ready for school, and after inspecting their outfits, you find them coordinated, stylish, age appropriate, and complete, down to socks and shoes being put on... 30 minutes before they even need to leave for school.

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Monday, January 16, 2012

I Suffer From PMS (Not What You Think)

I suffer from PMS... badly. And no, it's not what you think.

Paranoid Mom Syndrome, or PMS.

I'm quite a proud sufferer of it, thank you.

What is PMS? It's a disease that affects some mothers (the good ones, if you ask me) from the moment they find out they are pregnant, and lasts, well, forever. PMS gets worse as the children get older, and can actually affect a mother at any stage of motherhood, if not present during the pregnancy stage.

Here's what to look for to see if you are affected by PMS, and the different stages of PMS depending on the stage of motherhood you are in (and the signs and symptoms vary from mother to mother. These are ones I've found I suffer from, so feel free to add your own below):

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Happiness Comes in a Box??

Let me start out by saying I don't do reviews. The Inklings of Life is not that type of blog. I don't get products free to review them, tell everyone in the world that they are amazing, and possibly get paid for it. No one has paid me to do this post, or even asked me to do it. If I ever do a product review, it's because I tried something, and fell in love with it so much that I want to tell the whole world about it.

I have come across such a product. Garnier Nutrisse Ultra Color: Light Intense Auburn (R3).

I have been dyeing my hair now for 15 years. I started with the shampoo that, as you used it, it slowly left color deposits that dyed your hair (someone please tell me they remember that? Aussie brand did it, I believe). Then I moved to the box dyes, and for some reason, I was always drawn toward red (I figured if my personality was fiery, my hair color should be, as well). Box dyes never quite cut it, so I moved toward salons, to hairdressers who promised bright red. I have done red and black hair, red and orange, red with blonde streaks, dark burgundy red, strawberry blonde with bright red streaks; paid upwards of $125 to get the look I wanted. Times got tough, couldn't head to a salon anymore, so I started on the search for the perfect box of red dye, something I could do at home.

In 15 years of dyeing my hair, I have never been as pleased as when I used the Garnier Nutrisse Ultra Color kit.

Friday, January 13, 2012

'Quality Time'? What's That?

Guess in the '50s this was considered 'quality time'????
Can someone please explain to me what 'quality time' is? I hear a lot about it, and hear that sometimes it's not the quantity of time that you spend with your kids but the quality of the time spent that is what matters most. It seriously makes me wonder what the hell 'quality time' is.

Take our recent evenings, for instance. My kids and I have found the TV show 'Sliders' on Netflix's instant watch, and we've spent the last 3 days watching episodes from it. Not from the moment they get up until the moment they go to sleep (they do have school, you know), but once homework is done, chores are done, showers are taken, yes, we watch an episode or two. So, there we are, cuddled on the couch, watching a TV show about interdimensional travel (which, surprisingly enough, the kids seem to understand- either they are really bright and are going to be time travelling physicists in the future, or my explanation of 'They use that remote thingie to travel to different worlds that are like their own world, but different' seemed to work for them just fine), pausing it every time the kids have a question, talking, laughing, and just being.

Is this 'quality time'? Or am I being a lazy mom and trying to justify this as 'quality time'?

Do you have to actually be doing something active for it to be considered 'quality time', something more than watching TV? Do I have to be teaching my kids how to do something or learning something from them for it to be considered 'quality time'?

Or can we just cuddle on the couch and watch a movie?

I'm actually torn on this subject, because I'd like to think what I do with the kids is considered 'quality time',

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Did I Hear That Right??

Sometimes there are things said, or conversations had in my house that I sit back and think, 'I seriously doubt anyone else goes through this. We have got to be the strangest family in the world.' My kids have manners, don't get me wrong, but over the years of craziness that we've had, I've developed a mom-yet-friend relationship with my kids (my daughter is 9, my son is 7), and kept open communication a necessity. So, my kids feel like they can come to me with anything, and have a sense of humor that is way above their age groups. When they cross the line, they get reprimanded, but unless it's overly rude or disrespectful, I pretty much just let them have freedom of speech.

It sure makes for some interesting conversation in my house. And the random one liners are never lacking here.

Judge for yourself, I guess. These are actual things said in my house (couldn't make this up if I tried)...

My Daughter: Man, I hope that squirrel gets electrocuted.

My Sister: Hey, what are you doing?
Me: Just writing some stuff down.
My Sister: It's not a suicide note, is it?

Z (to my son): Why don't you go get in the bath right now?!
My Son: Why don't I just go brush my nuts?!

My Daughter: I just had a fart brain surge...

My Son (6 at the time, and struggling with reading and spelling): Mom, that pot roast looks like poop. P-O-O-P, poop.
Me: Honey, Mommy is very proud of you for spelling poop correctly, but that wasn't a nice thing to say.

My Sister: Ride it like a rocket, kitty.

Me: Yeah, I can get away with that now while the kids are young and still like me, before they get older and hate me.
My Daughter: But mom, we already hate you... (I shoot her the look of death) Just kidding....

My Sister: Come on, we're going to walmart.
Me: But I haven't had a shower yet. Can I get ready first?
My Sister: No. I mean, you can put on makeup, but you can't be clean. That's my requirement.

My Daughter: Is it true a burp and a fart are like brother and sister?

My Son (looking through a clothing catalog): Yay! Money underwear! Now I can pull my pants down and say, 'Who wants money?!'

To be continued.......

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Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Cheap(ish) Family Fun Night

I happened to have a day off from both of my jobs, on a Friday nonetheless, and decided it was time for some family fun. I asked the kids what they wanted to do, and my daughter comes up with going to see a movie. I sent them off to school and started researching (it's been since last Easter that I've been to a movie theater). $10 for each adult ticket, $7.50 for each child. Wtf?? Maybe if we went directly after school, matinees are any showing before 5, right? First off, no, matinees are now any showing before 3, and even then the matinee prices were $7.50 for each adult, $6.00 for each kid. You have GOT to be kidding me. Tickets alone for us (my 2 kids, my sister, her boyfriend and I): $45, popcorn, drinks, candy... not going to happen.

So we started brainstorming. The result ended up being one of the most fun nights my family had ever had. The initial start up cost was a bit consuming (still better in my eyes than spending that money on 2 hours of a movie and not having much when that movie is done except a belly ache from popcorn and candy and the memory of having watched it), but now that the initial costs are out of the way, it'll be cheap from here out.

Monday, January 2, 2012

The Aftermath of Hurricane Hubby

The hubby was able to travel 2000 miles and come home for Christmas- amazing 2 weeks, then he was gone once again. No idea when we'll see him again (not in a deadbeat husband or CIA spy type of thing- he's stationed in Arizona, the kids and I are currently living in Virginia, and until we figure out how to merge the two together, it will be like that indefinitely), but we have plenty of plans in the making. Meanwhile, I'm slowing cleaning up after what I like to call:

Hurricane Hubby
~Category 5 Hurricane
~Hit landfall on December 15th and exited the area on December 29th
~Estimated cleanup date: Can not be determined until further analysis of entire affected area is done

Having hubby here was amazing, don't get me wrong. The kids and I were on cloud nine, as I know he was, too. Laughing, cuddling, talking, playing games together, just enjoying each other's company again after so long. But anyone who has had to deal with having a parent or loved one away for a while, you know everything that happens when that person finally comes home, even if just for a visit. Bedtimes get thrown out the window, the word 'no' is never even uttered, and the sadness that is left when they leave takes some getting over, too. After not even a week of 'clean up', here's where the path of Hurricane Hubby has affected things thus far: