Tuesday, November 29, 2011

New Holiday Service Available!

In the true Tatted Mom style of last year's Holiday Position Now Available post, this year I am launching a new seasonal business, so spread the word.

Available for hire for the 2011 holiday season, with possible expansion after the first of the year~ Stick Removal R Us.

What is this new business, you ask? Yard maintenance? No! Trash business? No! Recycling center? No!

Have you ever been out shopping and get into a checkout line, and the person in front of you is haggling over $1 price difference?

We can help!

Do you work in retail during the holiday season and come across customer after customer that complain about every little thing in hopes of trying to get something for free?

Give us a call!

Have you ever sat and waited patiently for grandma to load the bags into her trunk, get into her car and start backing out of that parking space that you have been waiting for, with your blinker on, for 5 minutes, just to have some rude person pull into the parking spot at 90 miles an hour before you?

Jimmy's Gun Shop can help you with that, but give us a call first!!

Stick Removal R Us specializes in removing those huge sticks that some people seem to have stuck up their asses.

Yes, you read that right! And it's about damn time, isn't it?

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thanksgiving, Tatted Mom Style

Short, sweet, and to the point today, so everyone can enjoy their turkey day festivities.

This year, I'm thankful for:

  1. My beautiful family. Without them, I don't know what I would do. My kids are amazing, my sister has helped me out so much, and my mom and dad have shown me that they will always support me no matter what I do.
  2. Having a job. It may not be much, and causes me stress from hell, but I'm lucky to have moved to an entirely different state this year and had a job waiting on me.
  3. Not having killed anyone at my job. New trainees, bitchy customers- so far they have all been saved. That doesn't mean it's not coming, but for right now I have not buried any bodies or needed to buy a wood chipper.
  4. My amazing friends. They cry with me, make me laugh, vent with me, tell me when I'm being stupid, and most of all have my best interests at heart... or what they think should be my best interests. Their hearts are in the right places... I think.
  5. Not being where I thought I'd be at this time of this year. Not many details needed, but when I think about how my life was supposed to be right now, and take into account everything I found out to be the truth, I'm happy I'm not there anymore. Best decision I ever made.
  6. My DVR box. Seriously. I can tape all of my shows and watch them when I actually have time. Makes for more amazing nights when I have insomnia, or for a better day off from work.
  7. Coffee. Enough said.
  8. Not having killed anyone in the past year. I know I covered this in #3 above, but that was job specific, which is completely warranted this time of year- I work retail at Christmas time. But overall in my life, with everything I went through, I'm thankful I didn't kill anyone. Kinda makes me sad I didn't, because the world wouldn't have missed certain people, but I'm thankful I took the high road and didn't kill anyone. I wouldn't have made it in prison. I'm too girly.
  9. My blog and its' followers. I know I haven't been around much, but you all have stuck with me and continue to check on me and make sure I'm not dead. I am thankful to have a place to share my crazy antics, and thankful to have people who appreciate those crazy moments!
  10. Building bridges. I burned a lot of bridges this past year, some that were warranted, some that were not. I'm thankful that I was able to mend the ones that didn't need to be burned to the ground. As for the ones that did need to be blown up, I'm thankful the fire has finally burned out from them. I was tired of getting burned.

I hope everyone has an amazing day!!!

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Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Finding Your Happy Place

So, today I'm beaming. Someone has nominated The Inklings of Life for the eCollegeFinder Top Parenting Blog award. This honor actually comes at an amazing time in my life, because I've been thinking of going back to college in the spring to pursue a paralegal degree. Funny how life works sometimes.

In my acceptance email, they asked me for a few words of advice for their student parents. Considering I've been giving thought myself to returning to school, this question had an easy answer...

Find your happy place.

This advice is true to anyone, no matter if they are a parent, a student, a student parent, Santa Claus, the squirrel outside my patio doors, but it's especially true to anyone trying to juggle different things in their life, the way we parents have to do. Being a parent is hard enough. There is always someone counting on you for something, and that's not just until they are 18 and we can take the duct tape off of their wings and let them fly away if they want to (with a huge leash attached to their feet, of course). That's for the rest of your life. From the moment that child is birthed, you are 'mommy' or 'daddy' forever. Eternity.

My eyes just bulged out of my head for a minute.

From day one (and more for us women-folk who had to carry the child for 9 months prior to squeezing a watermelon out of a baseball sized hole or being sliced open from hip to hip) you become a mentor, food provider, cuddler, taxi service, referee (if there are multiple little ones), doctor, teacher, psychologist, maid, chef, and the list goes on. That's enough to make anyone go crazy, but then a select few of us decide to better ourselves and our family by returning to school and adding 'student' to that ever growing list of labels we have as a parent.

So now, we're not only googling our 4th grader's math homework (don't tell me you've never done it), but our own homework, to have that paper written and submitted via email by midnight...

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Zombie Children Everywhere!

I want to start this post of with a disclaimer: I have not met your kids, I am not a doctor, this post is simply my opinion on the subject, and if it offends you, I apologize now, but it's how I view a topic that is very dear to me.  Now, onto the post.

I work in photography during the day; One of those cookie cutter portrait studios with the major advertising in every parenting magazine you pick up. I love my job, I do. I get to work with kids all day, I get to "capture memories" (part of our slogan I think, or used to be, so that's why it's in quotations), I get to be artistic, and I get to be the crazy ass lady with bright red hair that tickles herself with a feather duster to make herself sneeze to get the kids to laugh. Yep, that's me.

I've noticed, though, the number of kids nowadays that don't smile. Not even the smallest little corner of the mouth upturned.... nothing. And I'm not talking about the kids that are scared to have their picture taken or scared of strangers. Those kids are in another category themselves, a category we know how to deal with. No, I'm talking about, well...

The Zombie Children.

That's the only way to describe them. They don't say a word, do exactly what their parents tell them to do, sit, stand, lay down, and never change the expression on their face. Blank look in their eyes, eyes glazed over sometimes, looking at me like I'm the biggest idiot on the face of the earth for trying to make them smile. These Zombie Children aren't limited to an age bracket either. I'm seeing them as early as 9 or 10 months old, all the way up to 11 or 12 years old. No matter what I do, they refuse to smile. Even a little. And we have tricks that we use- lots of tricks. And when I've used every trick I know, and not a single smile has occurred, that's when the parent tells me, 'Oh, by the way, little Sally never smiles. She's very mature for her age and takes life a little seriously.'


So, can someone help me out with this? Do I not need to be drinking the water in this area or something? What in the hell makes kids who are supposed to be full of life, full of energy, enjoying being a kid, a zombie? No emotions, no life, no anything????

The parents. There, I said it.

Sorry to say, but one way or another, the parents are to blame on this one. There is no way that a 1 year old has no personality at all. Or a 3 year old for that matter. And definitely not a 2 year old. They are supposed to be full of personality and a zest for life (more commonly called The Terrible Twos). So, either the parents have stifled the kids' behavior so that their personality doesn't come through, or, probably the more common answer, have the kid on medication.

And here's where the good stuff starts....