Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Women's Talk Wednesday: Starts with an 'SL', Rhymes with 'Huts'

Okay, ladies, it's another Women's Talk Wednesday, and there's been a subject burning a hole through my mind lately- Sex. But, I want to get a little more specific than that in today's post.

I will be entering the world of single momhood here soon, the dating scene, the whole 9 yards of BS in my opinion. At the moment I have no want or desire to date. I'm just at a point in my life that I need to deal with my past discrepancies and take time out for myself. But it doesn't mean the thought hasn't crossed my mind of the day I will decide to throw myself back out there in the ocean of singles. And there's one thing that bothers me so much about having to do that-

Sluts.

Yep, you read that right. I'm worried about having to "compete" with the sluts of the world, and ladies, you know there's a lot of them out there. So today I want to cover what constitutes a slut, and what to do about them...

We've all seen them. Those girls at the bar or club, dressed in practically nothing, rubbing up on one guy, then another, and you know she's not going home alone at the end of her night. My question, from a woman's standpoint, is why? What's the purpose of being 'that girl'? Sure, we can assume she has daddy issues, or low self esteem, but what exactly is the appeal of going home with a complete stranger, letting them see you naked, and possibly never talking to them again? I honestly just don't get it...

So, I'll throw this out there early so you all can understand a little more of where I'm coming from: I can count on one hand the number of people I've been with in my entire life. Am I picky? Probably. Do I see the point in casual sex? Nope, not at all. For me, sex is an emotional thing, meaning, I have to have some sort of emotional feelings for a guy before I'll do the deed with them. Do we have to be in love? Nope. Does he have to have put in a little time to connect with me before I throw it all in (or take it all off)? Yep, sure does. Does that make me a prude? I don't think so.

So, what exactly constitutes a slut? Thefreedictionary.com defines 'slut' as:

  1.  A person, especially a woman, considered sexually promiscuous.
  2.  A woman prostitute.
  3.  A slovenly woman; a slattern. 

Okay, check. But what exactly defines 'promiscuous' by today's standards? Is it the number of men, total, that a woman has been with in her lifetime? Is it the amount of sex this woman is having? Is it the frequency of multiple partners? Is it whether or not she puts out on the first date? And, we'll cover this more in a moment, but what about men of the same nature?? Double standards suck.

So, by definition, I have some friends who are, or have been in their past, 'sluts'. Would I consider them sluts? Nope. Would I call them sluts? Yep, in a loving, joking manner. Do I slap them upside the head when they share with me a one night stand story? Yep, but that's just the Mama Morgan coming out in me. But I don't see these women as the type of slut that today's post is about. So, seriously, what the hell?

Definition aside, lets just get back to the heart of today's matter. (Most) men have a thing for sluts, even if it's just every now and then. You can't tell me it's not true. So, maybe I should be asking the men readers I have, what's so appealing about a slut? Okay, let's be honest. Sure, she's a guarantee lay. She might even be a freak that hangs from the ceiling fan, or let you do her in a very uncomfortable place (like the back seat of a Volkswagon). But, no matter how appealing that sounds, stop and think for a moment of how many other guys have been there before you. With sluts, there's no Star Trek slogan, sweethearts. 'To boldly go where no man has gone before' doesn't apply. It's more like 'To boldly go where dozens or hundreds (maybe even thousands) of guys have gone before, and may have left behind a little surprise for me to catch and carry with me for the rest of my life.' Men are men, yes, and think with their dicks, but to get involved with a slut, even for one night, you run the risk or rendering your little man problematic for the rest of your life. Is it really worth it for that one night of screwing a girl you just met in the bathroom at a bar? If it is, I have no words for you, seriously.

So, where are the men that can take a look at (for hypothetical example purposes only) that short, strapless, definitely going braless dress that you can practically see vag hanging out of, the huge hoop earrings, the long, stringy hair, the giggly drunkenness, the fact that she's just hung all over 3 other guys at the bar, the chipmunk looking grin, the 'I want no strings attached sex' statement, and think, 'Slut alert. I'm staying away from her'? Do these guys exist? Or will my decency, the high self esteem I have to not be one of these girls, always come second best to the fact that the girl in the corner isn't wearing underwear and has holes in the side of her dress to where if she bends over just right, you not only will see ass and vag, but probably some side boob, too?

Yes, yes, I know what some of you are thinking. I wouldn't want a guy who is attracted to girls like that, anyway. And you are right. But it doesn't mean that the frustration isn't there.

In this day and age, it's so common to have a 'friend with benefits' or to not know the name of the guy whose bed you just woke up in. So many people nowadays are so afraid of commitment, and honestly, when they can get the sex without having to work for it, then why not? I mean, deep down I get it. But it hurts. I'm not a 'friends with benefits' type of girl (for those that know me personally, please keep your laughing and eye rolling to yourself- you damn well know it's true), and while I have done some stupid things in my past, that's one thing I will not bend on (ever again). Call me old fashioned, but I want the romance, I want the guy pursuing me for the right reasons, the guy that won't change on me after we have sex, the guy I don't have to worry about possibly going home with the slut in the corner. Honestly, is that too much to ask for? And fellas, here's the ironic thing- if I'm secure in our relationship, and can trust you, that hanging from the ceiling fan thing that slut would have done for you, is a very definite possibility with me...

And why aren't men called 'sluts'? I've used my fair share of 'manwhore' name calling in my time, but why is it that a girl can sleep with multiple guys and be called a slut, but if a guy has one fling after another, he's given a high five by society? I understand my post today is anti-slut, but the double standard blows chunks for those women who choose to be promiscuous. (For some reason) I do have their backs on that one (even though their backs are on the floor).

With the way of the world today, and all of the diseases that could kill you, I just don't understand this casual sex thing at all. I don't understand women who feel the need for it, who would risk their health, their reputation, their self worth, for it. Yes, sex is amazing. Yes, there is something about sex with a person that can't quite be accomplished through some alone time with yourself. But is it worth everything I just listed? For me, it isn't.

So, what will I do about the sluts who are swimming around in my ocean? Nothing. Seriously. The whole 'if you can't beat them, join them' thing most definitely won't apply to me, no matter how frustrated I get. And, I'll keep in the back of my mind how, yes, that guy over there is sexy as hell, but he's flirting with Miss Vag, so he's not the type of guy I'm aiming for anyway. Will I lower my standards? Nope. Will I talk shit about the sluts who are soaking up all the men like a sponge? Yep, sure will. But, 5 years down the road when I'm in a happy, stable relationship with an amazing guy who thought I was worth putting in a little effort for, and the sluts of the world are still using the 'sleep with them first, hope they stick around' philosophy of trying to find their next baby daddy (where are their current kids, anyway, while they are out at the bars slutting it up?), I'll be laughing my ass off at the day that he passed you up and headed directly for me...





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1 comment:

  1. I am so glad I stumbled across your blog. Your writing is awesome and I love girl talk!

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