Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Curveballs Just Mean The Game Is On....

I've always been a competitive person. It stems from as far back as I can remember. Hell, the race for valedictorian in my graduating class ended up being decided by .01 of a GPA point- yeah, you read that right, one one-hundredth of a point (and unfortunately, I came in .01 of a GPA point down). So, needless to say, I don't take competition lightly, and I play to win- always...

Or so I thought...

The last few years of my life have throw me some major curveballs, the biggest one having been hurled directly at my head in just the last few days. (the reason for the sporadic posting lately). Each time a curveball came careening toward me, I either knocked it out of the park, caught it and threw it right back, or ducked. But, I grew stronger with each pitch thrown, perfected my game play a little more, and handled everything that came toward me, always playing to win, to be the best. I guess I just wasn't playing for the right thing, and didn't even realize it...

I swear this all has a point, and ties in together, just keep reading....


It has taken me these last few years to realize that there is one thing that, instead of putting on my gear and heading in for the fight of my life, to come out with the big 'W', that I will, from now on, be taking off my sporting gear and sitting on the bench. That, my blogger friends, is the competition for a man.

I spent about 2 years of my life with a guy who did whatever he wanted, and yes, came back 'home' when his little excursions didn't last. I fought for him (and with him- do we need to revisit the Crazy Bitch post about the keys and butter knife- I don't lie on my blog...) for almost 2 years. Then, one girl came along and was the straw that broke the camel's back; I had had enough. No more fighting for a guy that didn't want to be fought for, which was hard for me. I don't think you quite understand how warped my sense of competition is, or was (hopefully). Every time another girl came into the picture (of which, in his defense, if he were to ever find my blog, he never slept with any of them, just flirted and pissed me off), I viewed it as a competition, and damn it, I was winning him in the end. I never backed down, never laid a hand on any of the girls (attempted to beat the crap outta him a few times), but, not surprisingly so, was soon labeled a Crazy Bitch and a few girls feared me. Hey, all part of the game, right? Your competition to fear you? So anyway, I finally left him, and swallowed my pride in a way, to let her 'win'. (I'm telling you, warped sense of competition.) Once I walked away, I realized that I was the winner in the end; I got away from him, and got myself back. From what I understand, she's going through all of the same stuff I went through with him- the exact same stuff- to this day. Yeah, she 'won' alright- a present and possibly future full of heartache and fighting, just like I had. Makes the competition seem kinda lame now, in hindsight. Oops.

So, I moved on from that, and made a huge life altering decision that thought would be best for both my kids and I. My kids have been great through it; me... not so much. But, I stuck with my decision, and when the curveballs started being thrown directly at my head, I played the game, fought for the decision I had made, fought for my family. Again, I found myself to be the only person fighting, ironically enough, for another man who saw it fit to make 'promises' to me, only to be carrying out his own agenda behind my back- deja vu. Yeah, excuse the language, but fuck that. So, now, the game has changed, or, I'm finally seeing what the true game is.

I will no longer fight for a man who doesn't want to be fought for. I have not become this bitter, 'love is dead', man-hating woman. What I have become is the strong, independent, doesn't take crap off of anyone, self-loving, powerhouse of a woman, who will continue fighting- for me and my children. The competition in my life is now for me- I'm an amazing person, I know this, and I refuse to compromise who I am, or fight for someone who doesn't appreciate me. Eventually someone will come into my life that will fight for me, and I look forward to the day when that happens.

Inklingers, you have insight into something going on in my life right now that not even my family knows about yet (guess we'll find out quickly who actually reads my blog). I'm currently standing at a fork in the road, and have to make a decision, which I'm putting much time and energy into, to make sure I do it correctly, for myself and my kids. I can promise one thing, though- The Inklings of Life is going to be undergoing some major changes right along with me. Not a new color scheme, not a new layout, but a new life journey. I've always felt that my blog is a little bit of a mommy blog, a little bit of a life blog, and a lot of a humor, 'say it like it is' blog. There's definitely more of the latter here to come, but you all will be taking a journey with me as I venture through this major life change, the ups, the downs, the miles of road I have before me. The future can no longer hold a stay at home mom role for me to play, so, if that's the main reason you decided to become a follower of my blog, I understand if you decide to not take this journey with me. For those that stay with me, I promise you more emotion, humor, and telling it like it is than in any other blog you could possibly read, true Tatted Mom style.

So, curveballs, give it your best shot. The game of my life is now on, and let me tell you, I don't plan on losing this competition....


2 comments:

  1. horay for change!! You be strong girlie you can do it! DEMAND what you deserve and if they can't deliver wait for the man that will!

    http://littlefatgirl.blogspot.com/
    http://eschelle-mumfection.blogspot.com/

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  2. My first husband (Zippy the wonder slug) brought his girlfriend to my birthday party. And then tried to tell a tequila infused and quite pissed off me that they were just friends who went to dinner.
    Yeah. Right.
    A very loud fight and a shattered glass door later, I'da packed his ass up to go with her that night had she not lived with her parents. And, smart girl, she dumped him not long after that because she apparently decided to read the big red 'loser' sign stamped on his forehead. Can't fault her, it took me a while to see it myself and I was the idiot that married him.

    Anywho - my point is actually that you deserve better than lying and turmoil. From anyone. And you are an amazing, empowered, funny woman. Don't let yourself settle for less than you deserve.

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