Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Women's Talk Wednesday- Hair Removal

So, unless you are of French descent or lived through the 60s and are trying to bring them back, hair removal is a part of being a woman. There are so many products out there for 'safer' or 'less painful' hair removal now, tempting us ladies with every commercial that we see. Then, of course, there are the tried and true methods of shaving, waxing, and depilatories, and the more expensive, yet permanent one- electrolysis. Within all of these reliable categories lies a plethora of products to choose from- shaving creams, razors- manual and electric, home waxing kits, salon waxing packages, after shave lotions, bikini and sensitive area creams.... I think my head is going to explode.

Let's start with the new fad 'less painful' ones. The hair removal spray- looks amazing on TV. Just spray it on, wait a few minutes, and then wipe the hair away. Seriously? It's that easy? No offense, but I throw up major flags with this one. Hair removal is never that easy. Isn't it a right of passage to contract a minor staph infection from a shaving wound, usually around the ankle or back of the knee area? So, girls nowadays can just wipe their leg hair away, painlessly, with minimal effort? Something's wrong with this one. If this spray is strong enough to just melt hair away, couldn't it just melt your skin away after prolonged usage? Show me studies, please, hair removal spray company. If you can prove to me without a doubt that my skin won't ooze off of my bones after using your product for a year, I'm game.


I can say, I gave into the hype about the hair removal pads. The commercial made it look so easy- just put the pad on your hand, gently rub in a circle motion, and the hair is magically removed. I bought them one night, and then some guy friends come over for a movie. They spotted my latest purchase and immediately began making fun of me for being such a girl. So, I grabbed a pad and tackled one of their arms. Amazingly enough, I created an epic bald patch with minimal effort. I attacked another one's knee, with the same results. Smooth as a baby's butt. I was quite intrigued, so, after movie night and I was left alone in my apartment, I decided to perform an experiment (with a new pad, of course). I started on the inside of my thigh, a little high up, and after the allotted 2 minutes, I was in so much pain, my skin so raw, and I was left with what looked like a giant hickey... and a not so smooth semi-short patch of hair. It was horrible. I immediately threw the pads away, and swore to never tell anyone of my experience with the hair removal pads.... oops. This is for informational purposes, though, so screw it.

Growing up I tried depilatories, but my ADD would always kick in; couldn't stand waiting like 10 minutes for that stuff to dissolve the hair. And the smell was intensely gross. So, I gave up on those pretty quickly.

I've never done the waxing thing, either (on a big scale). Okay, I lied just a little. I tried a home waxing kit once. Put it in the microwave for 30 seconds, then quickly haul ass to the bathroom. This was a few years ago, and I'm pretty sure if you think back, no matter where you are, you can remember hearing in the distance, the bloody scream of a woman, followed by every expletive known to man (and a few made up ones). Yeah, that was me. I want to say I got through maybe 4 or 5 wax strips before throwing in the towel, but seeing as I passed in and out of consciousness and my brain has since then blocked that memory from me, I can't be certain. Needless to say, I never attempted that again, and it's completely made me hesitant to head into a salon for a professional wax job. Especially a Brazilian Wax. It's my understanding, ladies, and please correct me if I'm wrong, that the last stage of a Brazilian Wax has you on all fours like a dog, exposing areas that only my doctor and husband have seen? Umm, I may have had an entire medical nursing class come in and watch the birth of my son, for educational purposes (and he was the second child. Moms of more than one kid know that you are all modest with the birth of your first one, but any after that, you really don't care who watches, just get the kid OUT!), but I'm not big on having a complete stranger see me in that light- in fact, if I had to have it done, I would prefer no light, but I'm sure that would hinder their job effectiveness a little. So, me and Brazilian Waxes may never meet. I'll have my eyebrows waxed, and my lady-stache (admit it ladies, we all have one), but that's about it for me and waxing.

Though the thought is appealing, I, like many women, don't have the money for electrolysis. I'd love to give it a try, but there's so much more that money can go towards. If I win the lottery, though, I'll have it done and let y'all know all about it.

So, that leaves me with shaving. Yep, I stick with what works. I'm a disposable razor type of gal, due to recent household budget restraints (couldn't afford $12 for 4 razor heads for my Venus anymore), and, with the right combination of shaving lubes, I usually incur minimal shaving damages (except for the damn ankle and back of the knee). I regrettably use soap and water for my legs and underarms (and leave my mega-hot showers with skin dryer than the Sahara), but I usually use shaving gels or creams on, um, more sensitive areas. I used to buy the $18 tube of stuff from the adult toy ladies, and realized (sorry to leak this out, if you sell the stuff), that it's pretty much hair conditioner. So, I simply use hair conditioner now. It leaves a close, smooth shave, with silky skin. Yes, even the $1 cheap ass conditioner does the trick. Way better than spending close to $20 for it. And, ladies, tell your hubbies about the conditioner secret, too. They will LOVE the way their face feels when they are done shaving.

I do have one thing I want to cover really quick before ending our Women's Talk Wednesday post for the week. Ladies, in dealing with your lady-stache (and we all have them, even barely-there ones), please wax, pluck or have that thing permanently removed. Shaving it, well, just looks horrible. And, bleaching it doesn't work. We can still see it. In fact, you've probably just drawn attention to yourself by bleaching it because now your entire face is one color, but your upper lip looks a lot like Lady GaGa's latest wig. Do us all a favor and just remove it- not disguise it. Thanks.

Now the discussion is open to you all; what's worked for you, what hasn't, any embarrassing stories you'd like to share; I shared two- please don't let me be the only one today. The floor is now yours! Enjoy!

3 comments:

  1. I tried those round pad things before and I ended up with blisters on my pits. I mean, really, I'm too much of a genius to figure out that the stuff's actually made of fine sandpaper. So yeah, for about a week, I couldn't apply deo on my underarms and my husband learned to hold his breath whenever I'd give him a hug. All for the bargain price of $19.99!

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  2. I am apparently decended from gorillas. I think I've tried it all - did you ever have/try an epilady? Yowza! I've done dipilatories, but as a larger lady, I have a lot of surface area to cover and it's vital that you don't miss a spot when you rinse. I've tried at home wax kits (a joke), NADS (I swear that just made the hair grow back longer, thicker and darker), and about everything in between.

    These days, I shave my legs but have my bikini area, eyebrows, and face waxed and I'm okay with that combo.

    I just started having my bikini area waxed and let me tell you, it takes a special kind of person to do that for a living. I love my waxer...she is beyond awesome, but once we move from here, I don't think I'll continue that tradition.
    If anyone out there decides to try waxing the special areas, I have two very important words for you - hard wax. It makes a HUGE difference. EPIC

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