Being a Bitchy Mom

Hubby has been on a crazy schedule lately, and on many evenings, the kids and I have to fend for ourselves as far as family entertainment is concerned. While I stick by my decision that there will be no family jousting tournament held in the living room without Hubby present, it leads to evenings where the kids and I can watch stuff on TV that Hubby would rather staple his own eyelids shut than watch...

... like Nanny 911. Oh yes, the kids and I LOVE this show. And Wife Swap. There's just something about watching completely outrageous families and their crazy behavior that my family absolutely loves.

I came to realize after watching these shows that I'm the right amount of bitch to never have to worry about my kids being disastrous enough for Nanny 911, but not bitchy enough to make it on Wife Swap. What's up with that?

I watch these women on Nanny 911 and I see how absolutely different I was as a mother of young kids than they are. Yes, I understand these shows only get the extreme cases to keep viewership numbers high, but I sit back now and really look at how I could have probably been called a really bitchy mom when my kids were younger... or hell, even now.

For one, I love my personal space. LOVE IT. Yes, I held my children as babies, yes, I still hold my babies to this day if they want to be held. Yes, my kids have slept in the bed with me, but hell no, they did not sleep with me a lot. The kids and I watched an episode of Nanny 911 last night where the mother hadn't slept in her own bed since her son was born... and he was 5 years old. She slept with him in his bed while the family dog took up residence next to the husband in bed. Oh HELL no, I love my bed too much. And how am I supposed to get my freak on with a kid in the bed? Oh double HELL no.

Now pause for a second. I'm not speaking ill of attachment parenting in any way, shape, or form. I'm just

Easy, Cheap and Healthier Alternatives to Sodas for Your Kids (and Energy Drinks for You!)

With summer coming up, I can just hear my kids now... "Mom, can we just get some soda at the grocery store, PLEASE?" I'm not a big fan of soda. The sugar content is astronomical and the caffeine has my kids bouncing off the walls for hours.

So, imagine my surprise when I got this little tip on one of my shopping apps today. I'm seriously hoping I'm not the only one who smacked myself in the forehead and said, "Why didn't I think of that?"

Enter the players: Seltzer water and those little drink enhancers that are all the rage right now. My kids and I love those things, but we've always used them in regular water. Not anymore...

Don't smack yourself too hard. It hurts. I speak from experience.

In my opinion, there are so many amazing things about combining seltzer water with these drink enhancers:

1. It's cheap. A 2 liter bottle of seltzer water is $1 and each of those drink enhancers are $3 or below,

10 Things that 12 Years of Motherhood Has Taught Me

With another Mother's Day under our belts, I want to share with you all some of the wisdom I've acquired over the last 12 years of being a mom.

1. Girls are awesome when they are younger. Then they turn into hormonal pubescent witches on brooms as they age. On the flip side, boys are nothing but mud pies, smelly underwear and fits of outrage when a lego building collapses when they are younger, and as they get older, they become less of a chaotic migraine.

2. Ramen is an acceptable meal at any time of day.

3. Laundry is always handed to you at 10pm on Sunday night with pleas of "But I have NOTHING to wear to school tomorrow."

4. It is our job, as parents, to teach our kids "Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin layed an egg, The Bat Mobile lost a wheel and Joker got away, " as kids nowadays are not taught that in schools by their peers during the holiday season.

5. Rock still beats scissors, Scissors still beats paper, Paper still beats rock, but now there's a bomb that blows up everything... or my kids cheat at rock, paper, scissors. That could be it...

Quantifying Love: A Mother's Day Infographic

Some peeps over at FTD sent me this infographic to share with y'all. I have to say I was shocked by this one. 47% of moms say they should be bought a gift on Mother's Day. I'm good with bacon and coffee in bed... and maybe a foot rub. ;)

Hope y'all enjoy it! Share it with other moms you know! There are twitter, facebook and pinterest buttons all around the post!

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If Laziness Had a Taste, It Would Be Minty Bread

About a month ago I made soft tacos for dinner one night. I ended up having a tortilla-less taco salad while the rest of the family enjoyed soft tortillas. As we started chowing down, The Girl got a funny look on her face.

The Girl: Mom, why are the soft tacos minty?
Me: Um, they aren't. They are soft tacos.
The Girl: No, seriously, they taste minty.
Me (rolling my eyes): Well, then think of it as a bonus. Instead of having taco breath later, you'll have minty fresh breath. Now eat.

A few minutes went by, and Hubby had finished making his tacos.

Hubby: Hey, why do the tacos taste minty?
Me: Holy crap, they aren't minty. Mine tastes just fine.

That's when we realized that mine tasted fine because I didn't have a tortilla- a tortilla that we store on top of the fridge... in a container that used to be home to the candy in the house... that still had minty gum in the bottom of it.

Me: Well, considering I don't eat a lot of bread or tortillas, I suggest one of you puts the gum in the candy jar so we don't have minty bread in the future. Got it?
Hubby and The Kids: Okay...

Fast forward to this morning. Hubby's work schedule for the last month has made it to where when he gets home from work in the morning he just makes the kids' lunches for school. This morning he got hung up at a meeting, so I had to make their lunches. As I reached for the bread on top of the fridge, I all of a sudden smelled mint. I pulled the bucket down...

Bread laying on packs of minty gum- Hmm, I wonder
why the bread is minty??? Duh.

Over a month ago I advised the other members of the family to do one small thing and no one did it. Hubby

10 Mom Super Powers

As soon as we become mothers, we suddenly develop an array of super powers that only moms have. 

I paired with Where Have All The Grownups Gone? to create this infographic for y'all. She had a post earlier this week about the super powers she developed as a mom. Great list!!

Be sure to share this picture (easy Pinterest, facebook and twitter buttons below post) with other moms you know, and add your own Mom Super Powers in the comments below the post!!

If you enjoy Inklings, please take a second to just click the banner below. Each click = 1 vote, and you can vote once per 24 hours. I do happy dances when people vote!