Wednesday, April 23, 2014

WTF Wednesday: Sally McCrossShakeProteinTireson

I sat back and watched as these new trends in fitness started about 2 years ago. I observed, even decided to try some of them a year ago- they weren't for me. But I watched my facebook newsfeed grow and grow with pictures of before and afters that showed little change, and advertisements for various programs and nutritional supplements, and because I'm an outside observer, I seriously scratch my head at all of it.
NONE of that sounds like a good time to me...

For today's post, I've decided to combine everything that I've actually seen or heard (or been a part of, first hand), that causes me to raise an eyebrow on this subject, and have a hypothetical conversation with a person who embodies all of these new trends in fitness.

And yes, because I understand this will show up in search engines under certain key words, I do feel a disclaimer is needed for those who newly find my blog, so here goes: Disclaimer: This is a HUMOR blog. My post today is one of my opinion, and it is meant to be funny. Yes, I understand the basic concepts in nutrition, exercise, and have studied these new fitness trends of recent years, which is why I can confidently express my confusion for them in a humorous way. If you lack a sense of humor, please move on and keep your comments to yourself. Thanks.


Hypothetical Conversation with Sally McCrossShakeProteinTireson

Me: Hey, Sally. How was your workout today?
Sally: It was awesome. I flipped a tire today!
Me: You flipped a tire?
Sally: Yep. I've been working up to this for weeks, and today I finally flipped it, all by myself.
Me: You seem happy about that, so rock on! I'm glad you flipped the tire!
Sally: Me too. I never thought I'd get to today!
Me: So, you've been building up to flipping a tire?
Sally: Well, yes and no. My personal trainer has had me on this awesome muscle building routine, and our first goal was for me to flip the tire. Woo hoo!
Me: That's cool.
Sally: Yeah, I'm just glad we skipped the burpees today. The last few times I've done them, I've thrown up afterwards. Cool, huh?
Me: Not really. Throwing up isn't cool.
Sally: My personal trainer says it's perfectly fine to throw up after working out. It shows that you are pushing your body to its limits, which is the only way change will occur.
Me: So, you are doing burpees until you vomit and flipping a tire? That doesn't sound like a good time to me, sorry.
Sally: All in the name of change, baby, and building muscle.
Me: Wait, I'm confused. I thought we had a conversation months ago about you wanting to hire a personal trainer to help you lose weight?
Sally: Yeah, we did. That's when I hired my personal trainer.
Me: Are they helping you lose weight?
Sally: Well, not yet, but my personal trainer says losing weight correctly takes time.
Me: Really? I've never heard of that. How much time?
Sally: A few months, I think. Weight loss only comes after I build muscle, which will then speed up my

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

WTF Wednesday: My Underachieving Kid (And How They are Proud of It)

Kids hate school- I get that. Homework sucks, teachers suck, and projects? They really suck. I was once a kid. I know how it was. Hell, even as an adult, projects and homework are a tiny reason I have no desire to head back to college and get my degree. I get it.

This week's biggest WTF moment came when I found out just how much of an underachieving personality one of my kids has. And I'll tell you now, it's not the kid you think it is...

A little background, first, so you can fully embrace all that is the WTF moment:

Hubby and I are opposites when it came to school. I graduated 2nd in my class, he... graduated. When I was in the 9th grade (we didn't start dating until my sophomore year), we had an art class together, and the teacher put both of us in the same group for a group project once- I complained- heavily. I didn't want him in my group because I just knew he would bring my grade down. (The teacher laughed and didn't change a damn thing, either.) Then, a year later, we had a Criminology class together, and for some reason, there was just something new about the way he slept during class that got my blood pumping...

So yeah, me- overachiever, Hubby- slept in class.

I knew, statistically speaking, that one of our kids would probably adopt the lackadaisical personality like their father. Call it profiling or whatever, but I figured it would be The Ginger- my male offspring.

Nope. In a strange turn of events, it ended up being The Girl. My female offspring. The child who tested so high on the GATE (gifted and talented education) test that they placed her in a special GATE program within the school system.

She's currently in the 6th grade and has a few projects due, as the school year is ending in roughly one month

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

13 MORE Songs My Parents Probably Shouldn't Have Let Me Listen to as a Kid (and 1 That Turned Out to be Okay)

A few months ago, I decided to analyze the music I listened to as an adult, which made me think back to what I listened to when I was a kid. The result ended up being the post 13 Songs My Parents Probably Shouldn't Have Let Me Listen to as a Kid, and y'all loved it.

So that means it's time for round #2! If you haven't read the original 13 songs, head back and catch up, so you don't think I'm skipping any important ones. And if you have more, add them in the comments section below!

Sit back, put your hair in a side ponytail, grab some Surge or Clear Pepsi (if only they still existed) and enjoy the trip down Memory Lane! (And I apologize now for the fact that most of the videos don't actually play on my site. Apparently they now make you watch the video on youtube, so if you want to listen to them, it will pop open another screen so you don't lose your place here.)

1. Slide- Goo Goo Dolls

What? Why shouldn't my parents have let me listen to a romantic, mellow song about a guy professing his love to a girl by telling her "I want to wake up where you are." How sweet, right? WRONG! I just recently found out that this song is about abortion. Yep. And the Goo Goo Dolls confirmed it on VH1 Storytellers once. "Don't you love the life you killed? The priest is on the phone, Your father hit the wall, Your ma disowned you," refers to a girl finding out she's pregnant, has an abortion, and the guy in the song is telling her they should run away and get married. Holy crap, right? 33 years old I find out this information. Mind. Blown.


2. I'll Make Love to You- Boyz II Men

Yes, the title of the song says it all, and should have been a huge red flag to parents of 90s kids everywhere. Even when my mom told me the song was inappropriate, guess where I heard it? How about a 6th grade dance? Yeah, that's how this song made the list alright. Lights turned low in the local community center (Saturday dance once a month- hell yeah), girls on one side of the room, boys on the other, and that song started playing. Your little 6th grade heart started to beat fast when you saw those brace-faced boys start to walk over to the girls' side, and couples started pairing off on the dance floor, hands on shoulders and hips, enough room between the two of you to fit a whole other person. Slow dancing in a circle, while "Pour the wine, Light the fire, Girl your wish is my command, I submit to your demands, I'll do anything, Girl you need only ask" is playing in our virginal ears. Hell, I guess I should be thankful they were talking about sweet, sensual lovemaking, instead of fucking in the back of the club like today's music.


3. Jeremy- Pearl Jam

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

WTF Wednesday: #TheDigitalAge

Before we jump into this post, I need to ask everyone to do a favor for me. When you get a little more than halfway through the post, to the conversation between Hubby and I, read things like "#TheDigitalAge" as "hashtag The Digital Age" for me, so I don't have to type it all out. It makes it a hell of a lot funnier to read Hubby and I having a hashtag conversation (which is what we did), plus, it's been a hell of a week, so you're helping me out by not making me type everything so literally. ;)

Last week, The Ginger came down with strep. Exactly one week later, to the day, The Girl ends up with a fever and scratchy throat.

This, the week after Spring Break and the week after the week after Spring Break. I haven't had a moment to myself in going on 3 weeks now.

Alas, I digress.
Pic Courtesy

The Ginger loved having an extra 2 days added to his Spring Break.

The Girl is freaking out. She begged to go to school, fever and all.

When we finally explained to her why she couldn't go to school, she begged me to run by the school and pick up her schoolwork so she could do it while she was sick.

She has so much of me in her, it's not funny. I was the exact same way in school.

So after begging and pleading, I finally decided to call the school, talk to the front desk and see if The Girl's teachers could compile everything for me to pick up the next day (as The Girl would be out a minimum of 2 days).

This is the conversation with the office manager at my daughter's school, after I explained the situation:

Office Manager: Don't you have your Parent Portal log in? You can just check your daughter's
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